Farewell, Mama . . .

It's time for us to pay last respects to Mama and she will be taken to the Manila Chinese Cemetery.

I reached Loyola Memorial around 8:15 AM and they were just about to start the mass. Everyone was dressed semi-casually, with their white shirts matched with black pants. I was wearing my one-and-only white t-shirt and my black lolita skirt. I hugged Dada as if no arguments happened yesterday. I wanted to set my pride aside and focus on Mama's last day with us. We sat beside the priest and I felt really uneasy.

The priest who conducted the mass today was different and we all liked him. Not only that he's nice, his homily was also meaningful. A part of his message was three important things : gratefulness, forgiveness and love. He said that we should set aside the small arguments and learn to forgive one another so we can have a better outlook in life. That struck me really hard. Dada and his cousin, Ate Leslie, also started crying. I hugged Dada but I didn't know what to say. "She is in a better place now." is what came to my mind but that's too cliché so I just kept silent as I wiped his tears. I looked around and noticed that Kuya Ricky, Kuya Sonny, Ate Ella, Ate Lanie (also Dada's cousins) and Ate Christine (wife of Tito Jimboy) were in tears as well. Lorraine and the rest of Mama's grandchildren also started crying. I worried about Tita Star, Dada's mom, too since she's the daughter of Mama and I know she's the most vulnerable person in that room. I was also feeling uneasy but Dada held my right hand, kissed my forehead and said "Peace be with you." I hugged him really tight and I smiled. It's as if all those ill-feelings went away.

Mama's casket was opened and each of them blessed her with Holy Water. Dada began crying again but I stayed in our seat because his family was there naman to comfort him. When he got back, I wiped his tears with the hanky he gave me. It's really weird because I don't know what to do that time.

Dada asked me if I still remember what Mama told me the first time I met her. Tears just fell from my eyes and I wasn't able to control them. Mama told me before to take good care of her grandson and I should give him the same amount of love that she has given. I promised her that I will do just that. It's ironic that when Sempai James (my schoolmate and mentor) died a few years ago, I promised him that I'd take good care of Paolo (my ex-boyfriend) … but I never got to fulfill that promise. I hope Sempai forgives me … This time, I want to fulfill my promise to Mama.

After the mass, we went outside the room and ate champorado and stockfish (tuyo). We also played DJ Max 2 and I often lost but it's okay because the important thing is that I saw Dada smiling again.

Around 10AM, we left Loyola Memorial and proceeded to the Manila Chinese Cemetery. A few minutes after we got off the car, the cremation started. All the family members entered the cremation room and some became hysterical, especially Tita Star. she almost fainted so everyone attended to her and calmed her down. Kuya Sonny sat beside me and I saw him crying so I tapped his shoulder and smiled. It's so rare for me to see men crying and that really shows how much they love her.

While we're waiting for the cremation to finish, Jollibee meals were distributed by Mama's grandchildren. Jacinta, Ate Leslie's daughter, gave me one. I waited for Dada so we could eat together. I didn't want to touch my food unless the commotion is finished.

Mama's remains were finally taken to her resting place around 2:30 PM and her ashes were buried beside Lolo Papa, her husband. It's Chinese tradition to burn Joss papers to ensure that the dead will have money in the afterlife so Dada gave me a few pieces and taught me how to roll them up properly. Ate Leslie also gave me four incense sticks and Tita Star taught me how to use them. I was really nervous during the whole process! Colorful talismans also surrounded Mama's coffin but I don't know if those're used to ward off evil spirits or contain them. We were also advised not to go home directly as the bad omen may follow us so Ate Leslie offered an early-dinner in Aristocrat. The traffic was severe in Manila so Dada and I got back in the condo around 8PM already.

********** I granted Dada's wish not to have any photos of Mama shown.

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Seriously, do I look like any of these outside cosplays?

What is EMO anyway? A music genre? A lifestyle? A strong feeling or expression? If it's an expression, then I am guilty. Yes, I am a very emotional type of person and I voice out whatever it is I feel. I used to keep things to myself and I grew up as a timid girl with little or no friends at all. When I got out of college, that's when I learned how to express myself more… and no, I am not suicidal, not anymore. Life is tough but I love it because of the people surrounding me and I treasure the memories, may they be good or bad. Thank goodness for the Internet and hooray for blogs!!! I don't know what the emo music genre sounds like. My Chemical Romance? I classify them as a mix of punk and alternative rock that's why I listen to their songs! Regarding emo as a lifestyle … NO~!!! I don't have fringes and I only hide my eyes when wearing a wig to get that angst-factor. No more, no less! I don't wear tight-fitting shirts nor jeans — sexy, yes, tight no. All my clothes don't have scandalous prints on them. So when someone calls me an "emo", I get really mad because the first thing that comes to my mind is an image of a suicidal idiot.

So am I GOTH instead? I do like the colors black and red, black nail polish, punk accessories and cross pendants (not crucifixes) but I don't wear ankhs and put on heavy make-up (except when needed). I am also agnostic — I believe in God but he's just of little importance to me. I like Gothic as a fashion statement but not as a lifestyle. I don't like vampires nor fangs! I don't even know what true-blooded Goths do or what their beliefs are. I don't like being called a Goth as well because that brings up a lot of issues. I recall one instance wherein a friend and I were planning our next cosplay and she wanted it Goth-themed. Then, a true-blooded Goth started explaining to us that we have to be "careful" when interpreting it because it might spread over the Internet, reach other true-blooded Goths and then we might get a beating from them — or they might even kill us if they mistake us for posers. That thread got about 250+ replies! We ended up changing the title of our photoshoot to avoid further argument with them. X_x

How about LOLITA? I am petite and I like ruffled clothes but I don't wear Lolita stuff at all times. I only started liking the EGL accessories when I got hooked in the OtakonEK. I wanted to do an EGL photoshoot to see if I can pull it off – maybe one of these days. Dada said he also doesn't like Lolita clothes on me because that makes him look like a pedophile — He's 6'1", I'm only 5' tall and I am often mistaken as a 14 year-old kid. XD

So what am I? A hybrid-poser? LoL! I don't want being called a poser.

It just so happens that I am a vocal person, I like black, I like cross pendants and I like cute laces and ruffles. 

I don't consider myself as any of those three except when I need to be — in cosplays.

I like being called a punk, though. Makes me look tough. XD



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Happenings this 5th Week of September . . .


Sept.29 (Mon)

I was busy editing the rest of my photos and uploading them in my Multiply account. I also visited some other cosplayers' websites but I didn't get to snag any photo from them. Ayan kasi, hiwalay nang hiwalay sa congregation. Hahaha!

I also decided to lock my VOX for friends and family viewing only — except for non-personal stuff and previous works.


Sept.30 (Tue)

I lost interest on the cosplayer bishie I was eying on. He only looks good with a wig and he called me EMO in one of my posts. I really hate it! That turned me off even if it was only meant as a joke. Hindi ko na s'ya crush! Hahaha~



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Happenings this 2nd Week of September 2008 . . .


Dada and I were supposed to spend quality time again but he said he was feeling sick so we had to cancel it. I was also thinking that we both needed to rest some more and it's okay to just have a chit-chat via YM. I didn't go to Hester's appointment as well and I just told her that I have a family reunion to attend to.

I was planning on going back to the condo around 6pm but it was raining cats and dogs so I decided to stay home and continue playing Wonderland Online. Too bad, the power went out around 7pm so I just decided to sleep. I woke up around 11:45pm and the power's back. Dada said he just got to the office due to the heavy traffic in the South Super Highway. I slept again around 3am and the rain was still pouring.



This has got to be one of the busiest days in my life!!!

I got up around 5am to get ready for the OtakonEK press conference. It's no longer raining and I saw that as a good sign. I kept thinking it's gonna be a good day.

After dodging security guards in malls, establishments and in the MRT stations (because I was carrying my katana  and my wakizashi), I reached the Somerset Millennium at exactly 10am. We, the invited cosplayers, were just sitting in the waiting area 'til 11am. I don't know any of them so I didn't bother mingling at first. When I got dressed, they called me "Shakugan no Shana" and I smiled as I told 'em that I am not Shana. A lot of people really mistake me for that character because her get-up is uncannily similar to my portrayal of Wrath.

Around 12pm, we were called to introduce ourselves and the characters we're portraying. It's nerve-racking because we're in front of a different crowd – a room full of executives and non-otaku. Most of them were awed by our costumes so I guess it's okay. There were only 7 cosplayers so the attention we got boosted my ego! I was so happy when they picked me to have photos taken with them. Hehehee~

After the photo-op, the other cosplayers and I had a little chit-chat and they gave me tips on how to make props and where to buy cheap platform boots. They also made me laugh when they mocked and said that most cosplayers use Death Note characters as a starter kit in entering the world of cosplay! Hahaha!

The organizers gave us three Enchanted Kingdom regular day tickets (expiry date is March 2009) each as a gift for attending the event today and this excludes the free passes we'll get on the OtakonEK itself. Aside from that, we might have a photoshoot in EK next week! OMG! It's good to be active in cosplays again!!!

Pics from the conference : [link]

I wasn't able to sleep due to the excitement. I was lying in my bed the whole time, just reminiscing while playing Tales of the World in my PSP.

I got dressed again around 7pm and met up with Dada around 7:45pm to have dinner. I told him what happened in the conference and there were instances where we'd just laugh about something really silly. We had dinner in KFC and, coincidentally, Dan (my college buddy and crush) was there. They finally got the chance to meet each other and I got really nervous! I didn't know how to react at first – surprised and speechless is meeh! Dada knows I had a crush on Dan for so long so I didn't know if he'd begin throwing questions or whatever. Same goes for Dan. Hahah! It was an awkward situation! Anyway, Dan said he just got back from Hong Kong and that he has a gift for me. I told him I'd just get it some other time. When Dan left, Dada told me that Dan stared at him in a manner that made him feel uncomfortable. I told him, "No, he's NOT gay!!!" then he laughed at me!



Roy paid the PSP repairs and also gave me DVD's containing other games.

I didn't bother staying in the office for the team party with our Operations Manager. I need to edit photos, check my webbies and get MORE SLEEP.

I got home around 9am and I was surprised to see tita cleaning the house. She said mom asked her to stay again and help with the household while she plans on doing business. This will serve as a "revenge" to my dad, they say. Well, I let them do what they want. They're grown-ups and I don't like to argue anymore. Time will come when they need to repent for their wrong-doings anyway.

I was able to sleep a bit, but the excitement kept me awake for the most part of the day. *sigh*



I went back to Fairview the following morning after work to continue my VL. My head was throbbing and I could barely open my eyes. I had to put my hood on so that I won't feel dizzy while walking. Is this migraine? I have no idea. Dada called me a few minutes after I got home and he warned me about the bad weather that's coming tomorrow. I told him I'd be careful. ^__^

I tried getting as much sleep as I can but too much noise and light surrounding me prevented that from happening. My headache became a lot worse.

I only got about two hours of sleep then I was awake for 3-4 hours straight. My bedroom's on the 2nd floor of the house while my PC is in the living room. I think the problem with me when I'm home is that I cannot get away from my computer. OMG! I LOVE MY COMPUTER! It's my "other" bestfriend. I was botting my characters in Wonderland Online while trying to rest so maybe my subconsciousness or whatever you call it worries about if my bots will die so I kept waking up abruptly and checked on their status. I stacked up some pots so they'd go on for hours without dying so I was able to sleep from 8pm-11:45pm. When I woke up, they all gained a level and were able to collect many items. I chatted with Dada and Faye for a while but my headache was so severe that I had to sleep again.



I slept around 4am. I woke up around 6:30am, when so much noise began circulating around the household. Dada said he'd go to the hospital because Tita Star's been confined again – maybe due to her high BP. I wonder if Dada will get enough sleep too… I hope he does. He still has work later like I do.

Kuya Azrael's been updating us on the status of the OtakonEK. He said my Wrath costume's been preregistered already. I told him that I need to change the character I will be cosplaying on the event because the guards will simply not allow me to bring my swords inside the Enchanted Kingdom. He said I have until September 25 to change my entry. I am not sure if I will recycle my Irene (B.J.D.) costume or produce another one.

I slept again around 10am until 1pm. I continued botting until I had my main character reach Lvl25. One more level and she can wear the new equips I got for her. I placed the couch in front of my PC and I used it to replace the other chair I was using. This way, I was able to lie down and listen to Yahoo Music while trying to get more sleep. I took a nap from 2pm-3pm. Then I was able to sleep again from 5:30-6:45pm.



After shift, my teammates (Poi, Lara, Aika, Tin) and I went to Heaven 'n Eggs and had breakfast. The food's nice but it's costly. I'd rather eat in Pizza Hut. Anyways, just for experience. Haha! We had some pics taken and we also discussed some issues going on within our team. I've never had this much gossip since I was in training with DELL!

I slept most of the day hoping that my severe headache will stop but it didn't. I think I need more rest after today's shift. I was hoping to get the laundry done but I got too lazy and my head still hurts so bad when I try to move. I got about 8 hours of sleep today but that's not enough to cope with the 4 hectic days I had.

By 10pm, the headache subsided a bit and I can move my head with only minimal pain.



Dada and I watched "Hellboy II : The Golden Army" >>> full description [here]

I got home around 10PM and I saw Lola sleeping on the couch. It turned out that she and my aunts were waiting for me earlier that day and was hoping I'd treat them pizza. Aww too bad, I already ordered Cheezy-Pops™ the other day and I no longer have budget for another pizza party.

After 2 weeks, I got to sleep again in my messy room. I missed Thuggles, my teddy bear! I haven't had time to hug him since I had Xu Ling (yes, that's the name of my Panda stuffed toy).


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Trip to Grotto

    Last time I remember going to Grotto was when I was in 6th Grade and that was when my playmates from Bagong Silang invited me over to join them. I recall that it was 2 AM when we rode a trike going there so it was still dark. When we did the Station of the Cross, we just followed a white flag with a torch on it so we wouldn't get lost.

    After 13 years, I return to this solemn place with Dada and his relatives. It's not really my thing to do this yearly pilgrimage as I am agnostic, but I am thankful to Dada's parents for inviting me over. I got a chance to take pictures using my sister's Premier DS-3087S and my Nokia N70. It's another great experience for me and I will treasure this forever.

Enjoying the Scenery ...

    It's like I'm back in Mindoro, with all the towering trees and grasses. The Stations of the Cross were also a good sight. Tita Bituin and Tito Oscar (Dada's parents) asked me to read the contents of the 8th Station… I was really nervous! Thank goodness it didn't rain or everything will be ruined! The weather was relatively hot and I was really sweating. Dada constantly wiped my face with his towel and offered me food and drinks. He also carried my bag. ^_^

Planning to Step on the Next Level …

    After the Station of the Cross, we headed back to the Picnic Area to rest and have something to drink. Dada and I had a little talk too.

     He said that we should always resist temptations because he does not want to end up like his brother. I have no qualms with that because it's for our own good naman e.

    He told me that he wants us to plan our future carefully now that he's graduating. We decided to save enough money so we can settle down. I told him that it's okay if we just have a civil wedding as long as we can have a house of our own. He smiled when he remembered about his promise to me a few years back — that we'll get married once I'm 25. Hahaha! It's a nice thought, but I'm in no hurry like I always tell him.

    A few days more and it'll be our 3rd Year Anniversary. Weeee!!!

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