Can we trade neighbors ? ? ?

WARNING: Really graphic and a lot of cussing. Read ONLY when YOU can take it.

Our house is situated on the corner of a seemingly-empty street. It faces the cemented area, while its sides and its back are surrounded by plantation. Most of the time, it’s peaceful here… too quiet that it can be dubbed as a ghost town. Although, sometimes, people wreak havoc and startle all the dogs in the neighborhood and cause trouble to other home owners.

We don’t have “next-door neighbors” … but we do have neighbors — very annoying and hostile neighbors. I feel like I’m trapped in Eerie Indiana or something.

Meet the Surly Bunch:
1) the “home owner”
2) the tattletale teacher
3) the wealthy traffic-starter
4) the ancients
5) the goat-man
6) the asshole and his no-brainer wife

The “Home Owner” … In our subdivision, we frequently call the guards to send tricycles over because walking from our house to the village gate takes approximately ten minutes. There was an instance that a certain someone (who claims that he’s an official of the Home Owner’s Association) received my call. I treated it like the usual, until ten minutes have passed and no trike came. I called again and the same guy received the call. After another five minutes, still no trike. Third time I called, I was really fuming. He told me to stop shouting as he’s an official and I have no right to treat him like that. Sigh, people with power are fuckingly irritating. Of course, I told him that the money that my parents pay to the HOA should be put to good use and officials should be helpful instead of being power-hungry jerks. Honestly, I can only see two possible causes of the problem there… either 1) the trike driver is stupid in following directions or 2) the Home Owner is a dumb ass who cannot point directions correctly. I was late for work that day. What happened to him? I don’t know. I hope he dies soon.

The Tattletale Teacher … Teachers are supposed to be intelligent, respectable and — best of all — should have common sense. Several years ago, when my mom still had a store, people would frequently knock on our doorstep and buy something. Sometimes, they go here way too early, when everyone’s still happily sleeping. One of them was a middle-aged woman who kept banging our gate around 6AM. She was like that for 15 minutes. Who in his or her rightful mind would stand on a store for more than 5 minutes if no one’s answering? If he or she is in her rightful mind, she would conclude that the STORE IS CLOSED. I was playing CABAL Online so I ignored her for the most part. But she waited and kept knocking for 15 damn minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES!!! I was very irritated so I shouted “Sara do pa po!” (Still closed!). Because I exerted effort in looking away from the monitor, my character in-game died! Due to disappointment, I shouted “Putang ina! Namatay ako!” … After a couple of hours the tattletale teacher went to our house accusing me of cursing at her. Talk about moronic! She is the predecessor of another stupid bombshell (who filed for bankruptcy last time I checked.. Hahaha! Karma to bitches!).

The Wealthy Traffic-Starter … Honestly, I have not seen this man. I don’t think he is a bad person. It’s just that some events that happened in his house affected the traffic on our side of the street. A crew from a local television rented his mansion to tape some scenes from a tv drama or telenovela. This happened every Thursday but I forgot what month it was… Whenever they had to shoot, we would see about a dozen or so cars and trucks parked from one end of our street to the other. One time, I accompanied my youngest sibling on her field trip and mom was supposed to fetch us when we got back. Unfortunately, she was boxed out so we had to take a trike going home. Other than this incident, Mr.Wealthy is harmless. He’s probably a good neighbor who knows something about privacy.

The Ancients … AFAIK, old people are generally friendly and talkative. AFAIK too, old people are like vampires because they’re dormant by day and very hostile at night. It is true because these Ancients seem to be fond of karaoke and they take Las Vegas to their doorstep — at night (yes, when everyone else is trying to get a goodnight sleep). This happens too often but AFAIK again, one of the Ancients is a HOA official so he can get away with it. Wow! Seriously, if small-time politicians have no consideration whatsoever to their neighbors, what more are those high-profile loons running for the Presidency?

The Goat-Man … He has not been aggressive to me but my mom sure hates his guts. They both run their own store and they compete with each other in getting more customers. Mom also thinks he’s responsible for our missing dog. If he touches any of our pets (again), his livestock will die an instant death.

 

The Asshole and His No-Brainer Wife (or Mistress) This asshole was an action superstar in the early 90’s. He was not the fire-starter but people liked him — until he turned to the dark side. Many years ago, he was dubbed as a high official of some rebel group. After that, news about him slowly died down together with his career. The only times he’d be in the news would be when he committed crimes like estafa, rape, DUI and drug dependency. He was also known for causing his mom so much anguish due to his “debilitating alcoholic problem”… OMFG I had no idea that he would be our neighbor! Even though I knew much about his and his family’s background, I didn’t care about it. I care less about our neighbors so long as they don’t intrude my private space. He even gave us a present last Christmas. Mom thought that it was nice of him. I thought it was nice too since we don’t greet him and yet he’s offering us something. Well, everything was fine until last night when he and his wife (or mistress, really I dunno their relationship ’cause I don’t care) started fighting. I was trying to sleep (it was already 12MN) since I have work the following day. But darnit they were too noisy that their voices echoed all over! I could hear them from my room on the 2nd floor! I can’t put my headset on because if I do that, I will not hear my cellphone’s alarm! They were shouting (about positive drug test results, fear from something, being sent to jail, etc), breaking things and beating their car! Too much noise startled our dogs and also our neighbors’ The noise and commotion were too much to bear. What worried me the most was when I heard a boy shout “Lolo! Lolo!” (Grandpa! Grandpa!) Apparently, the boy was trying to get help from The Ancients. OMG I fell down on my knees when I heard the boy. I pity him for having parents like them — a jobless asshole and a good-for-nothing mistress milking their relatives’ earnings. I was about to call our subdivision’s security guards but mom stopped me. She said that calling them would be like pointing a loaded gun on our heads. She heard news about how this asshole fired gunshots on a comedian-turned-politician’s house long ago. With that said, she also told me to keep shush and let it pass. This asshole was known for committing crimes and getting away with it.

Politicians, celebrities, prominent people.. they all get to fuck with other people’s lives and don’t get punished for their crimes. Damn, that sucks!

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